Preached in Lincoln Nebraska
October 12, 2014
What a beautiful couple you are! And what a wonderful
celebration.
This afternoon, I would like to talk to you briefly about
what marriage is and what it looks like you for your marriage to be one that
glorifies God.
Marriage first of all is a sacred covenant between two
people, a man and a woman. The wedding
ceremony, where we are today, is meant to be a public demonstration of this
covenant commitment before God and his people.
In traditional Jewish wedding ceremonies, like the one Jesus would have
attended in John 2, they would have used a written contract. In it, the husband would accept certain
marital responsibilities such as provision for food, shelter, clothing for his
wife, and meeting of certain emotional needs.
In other words, marriage was a
moral and legally binding commitment. It
is a sacred covenant, a solemn commitment to love and cherish one another, for
better or worse, till death you part.
Whatever comes, from here on, you face together.
Now, as Christians, marriage plays an even greater
role. Marriage is a display of a central
reality. It is a display of Christ’s
relationship to the church.
Christ and the Church
You can read about it in the Bible in Ephesians 5:22-33. I would like to read it here
22 Wives,
submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in
everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her
by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or
wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their
wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and
mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that
it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let
each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she
respects her husband.[1]
Notice what he says,
22 Wives,
submit to your own husbands, as to the
Lord.
To the husband he
says,
25 Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her,
Repeatedly throughout
the entire passage, Paul keeps coming back to this comparison between the
relationship of Christ to the Church, and of the husband to the wife.
Listen to these
examples and notice each comparison:
22 Wives,
submit to your own husbands, as to the
Lord.
23 For the
husband is the head of the wife even as
Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so
also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her,
----------
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one
ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
Paul uses this comparison,
prescriptively and descriptively. He
uses it to prescribe appropriate interaction for a married couple with one
another, and to describe Christ’s relationship to the church. Paul’s prescriptions for marriage is not
simply a reflection of the culture, but he anchors the roles in marriage in
creation and the gospel, which are unchangeable realities, not subject to whims
and movements of culture.
In verse 31, Paul goes on to say “This mystery is profound,
and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.”
Now, you may have previously heard this preached or alluded
to, or read this in your Bible, but what does this reality mean? Let me try and explain.
First, marriage
was designed by God to be a foreshadowing and description of Christ and the
Church. Thousands of years before Jesus
came on the scene, God in his all-knowing wisdom, made marriage. It was planned, because Jesus was
coming. Paul calls the making of
marriage a mystery in verse 32. The word
mystery in the Bible functions differently than what we sometimes think
of. It is not something that is
unknowable, rather it is something that was previously unknown, that is now
explained. It does not remain eternally
a mystery, rather it is a mystery now revealed because of what we know about
Jesus and the church. Everything in the
entire Bible, both before the birth of Jesus, and after his death and
resurrection point to him as the pinnacle, the hinge point, the fulcrum of all
reality. Including the institution of
marriage. Therefore, our marriages
should point to the centrality of Christ in history. Which is why its so important for our
marriages to have a particular look to them.
The Gospel
Second, marriage is a union.
In Genesis, Scripture says, “the two will become one flesh.” This union,
is the same type of union in the message of the gospel. Allow me to explain.
The Bible is the story of God’s work on the earth.
We read at the beginning of the story, that God created a
wonderful place for his creation to inhabit, and then filled it with
creatures. The pinnacle of his creation
was mankind, humans. This place was
wonderful, full of happiness, peace, and without suffering or pain. God gave them everything they needed, but
there was one rule or law: “don’t eat from a certain tree.” The breaking of this law would lead to their
death and the rejection of God by the whole human race.
The first humans, Adam and Eve, broke this law. They ate of the tree from which God commanded
them not to eat, which meant that the whole human race became enemies of
God. As a whole, humanity rejected God
as rightful ruler and king, and began seeing ourselves as the most important
thing in the world.
This enmity with God is what we all are born into. You and I were born into a race of beings who
are enemies of God. Our natural selves
hate God. This rejection of God and of
prizing ourselves is a terrible reality for us because of course, it does not
reflect the truth and bears a terrible consequence. You are not the center of the universe. The creator and master is the center. And, he is the source of all definitive and
supreme justice, which means he is obligated to rectify this cosmic wrong doing.
So when God executes justice, we would be the objects of his
terrible judgement.
But, God, the master-creator, continued to love the people
whom he created and had devised a rescue plan for them. God could not simply sweep the disobedience
and rejection under the rug though. This
sin, had to be dealt with or he would not be just. He cannot not let the most serious sin simply
be swept away. (I say it is the most
serious, because ultimately rejection of God is a sin against the most supreme
being). Therefore, humanity’s sin must
be dealt with.
So, God became a man, in the person of Jesus, lived a
perfect life and took the full deserved punishment upon himself. In other words, he took yours and my
place. He lived a life of perfect
obedience to the creator – a life the we should have lived. Then he died the death that we should have
died, a death that was gruesome, painful, and that carried the weight of
eternal wrath.
He did this for the church.
This is what the Bible means when it says he laid his life down for
her. He died for her sake.
Then, shortly after, he rose from the dead, proving that he
had successfully dealt with the sin of his people, and defeated death. He demonstrated that life was going to be
different forever for his people, his bride, the church. The end was not going to be gruesome and
terrible for them but was going to be a future of unfathomable levels of
eternal life and happiness.
Now here is where the language of union comes into
play. The Bible describes our salvation
as a union with Christ, just like we’re celebrating a union of man to woman in
marriage. God’s people are in union with
Christ. In Romans 5, it says that we
were crucified with him, buried with him, and that we were raised with him. The Bible says repeatedly of his people that
we were “in Christ.” How is that? Were you there? Or was I there? Because of our union with Christ, we
were! We died with him!
In other words, the way that we get the benefits of Christ’s
death and resurrection is this. We are in Christ. We make him are hiding place. If you have put your faith in Christ, you have
been eternally united with him. We have
union with him, just like marriage.
Christ has made this offer to all people, even to us, the
people sitting in this room and standing on this stage. The Bible says in John 1:10, “Whoever
receives him, whoever believes in his name, he gave the right to become
children of God.” This is your union
with Christ. You do not become part of
God’s people because you were born that way, or because you deserve it, or
because you earned it. Rather, you
become part of his people, because Jesus paid the penalty for you sin, if you
have put your faith in him.
To the congregation I would like to say, that if you are
here today and have not pledged your allegiance to Christ and chosen to trust
and follow him, I urge you to do it now.
And you will have been united to Christ.
The offer has already been made to you, the covenant is sitting in front
of you. You just need to sign it.
A Gospel Reflection
So then, this union is the gospel! It is good news! So, what does a marriage that appropriately
reflects the gospel, that we have been united to Christ in his death and
resurrection, look like.
First, Christ is the head of the church, and the church is
the body. Christ as leader and head of
the church nourishes, and cherishes the church.
In marriage, the role of the husband is to be the head of the wife. You, Peter, must function as Clarrissa’s
head. You take responsibility for her
nourishment body, mind, and spirit. You
have responsibility for both of you. And
you must cherish her, she is now your most prized possession, which means you
protect her at all costs, you lay your life down for her if necessary, and you
communicate with regularity her importance to you and your love for her.
Second, Peter and Clarissa, upon the formation of this
covenant, you are one flesh. You are in
union with one another. Just like Christ
is the head, and the church is the body, so Peter you are the head, and
Clarissa you are the body. Peter, you must
love Clarissa, because she is part of you.
Just like Christ has laid his life down for the church, you must lay
your life down daily for her sake. This
is back-seat middle kind of leadership and care. But, to clarify, it is not at the expense of
your happiness. In this same passage in
Ephesians 5, Paul says, “no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it.” In other words, your joy
and happiness is now wrapped up in the way you care for her, just like Christ’s
joy is wrapped up in his bride, which you can see in verse 27. You can no longer seek your own pleasure or
joy at her expense. Instead, from here
on, your joys go together. If you pursue
your own joy and pleasure at her expense, it is not just bad for her, its bad
for both of you. It’s the equivalent of
hitting your own toe with a hammer on purpose.
Its foolish. When you provide
financially or spiritually for her, or meet her emotional needs you are
providing for your own flesh, and for your own happiness, because she is united
to you!
Clarrissa, when you fulfill the role of a wife who submits
to Peter, you are also doing something that is good for you, not just for him,
because he is one with you. Your joyful
submission makes you both happy. Now the
word, submit, is a bit of a hot button, and I want to explain what I mean by
that. In essence, the concept of
submission is not a result of someone who is weak and unable to dominate a
forceful person. Rather, it takes incredible
courage to submit. Submission is a
voluntary choice to have a yielding disposition and an inclination to follow
your leader. Let me say it again submission is a courageous
and voluntary choice to have a yielding disposition and an inclination to
follow your leader.
What does this look like?
Most of the time, it means being really excited about what he is excited
about, and to follow him where he believes God is leading you together. It means trusting and supporting his
decisions when you disagree. It means helping
and enabling him to fulfill his role of husband. You can do this in so many ways, but a very
important one is to communicate verbally your physical, emotional, and
spiritual needs to him. He cannot read
your mind, but his joy is wrapped up in fulfilling your needs, so you must
communicate. Your joys are tied up
together in marriage. When you seek to
love and respect him you are seeking your own happiness. Seeking your own happiness and his are not at
odds, when you do it like this. You are
instead expanding and growing his happiness, and yours.
To both of you, I charge you to
reflect the gospel and glorify God by reflecting your union with Christ. Act as one, treating each other as more
important than yourself. Remember Philippians 2, where our service toward one
another is to reflect the kind of humble service that Jesus exhibited. He layed his life down to the point of death. This mutual humbling of oneself will cause
you to live in unity with one another, will be a testimony to the world, and
will make you paradoxically happy as you live for the glory of God.
[1]
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version.
2001 (Eph 5:22–33). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.
